Haiku Haiku


By Michael Shores

Now, I might try to update my rules.  I want to add a couple more to go deeper into the poem.  For example, I used a lot of adjectives and adverbs.  How much do they add?  Can they be removed?  I want to try to rewrite each of those lines without adjectives or adverbs.  I also used many words ending in –ing.  They might be gerunds, verbs used as nouns ending in –ing (e.g. Cooking is my passion).  I want my poem to draw more on the juxtaposition of images than on the juxtaposition of ideas.  Gerunds like running, painting, and raining are abstract ideas.  I will be better of writing about a runner, a painting, and rain. 
One brush and four strokes
Rice field growing tall in rows
Sapling lay in wait
one and four are adjectives for quantity
growing is the verb; rice (adjective) describes field
sapling is a noun ending in -ing, but saple is not a verb*
Writing stirring words
Pebbles rest on tabletop
Counting mindfully
writing is the verb, stirring (adjective) describes words
tabletop is a specific noun phrase
counting is a verb; mindfully (adverb) for counting
Draw lines thick in sand
Crabs hide from rising surges
Now wave them away 
thick is an adverb describing draw
rising is an adjective describing surges
them is a pronoun
Water dirt and sunlight
Squash before the leaves will pass
Black point pen in hand
...
...
black point is an adjective phrase describing pen
Fingers touch and trace
Wash down from head to the toe
Thickets running wild
...
...
running is a verb; wild is an adverb describing running
One brush and four strokes
Rice field growing tall in rows
Falling Redwood leaves
one and four are adjectives for quantity
growing is a verb
falling is an adjective describing Redwood leaves


*I suppose sap could be used as a verb meaning to produce sap i.e. “the tree saps in the morning”.  I could also be used as in sappy.  One might say to an over emotional person “don’t sap about it”.

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