The Book

by Greg Morrow

The following diary was found on the outskirts of an Austrian farm June 30, 1999. It is an enticing look into the mind of a would-be great inventor. Though only three entries in length, this document scribed on a single sheet of paper tells of the tragic demise of this inspirational thinker.

October 5
th 1996 

It has been said that if one is searching for something one needs to do nothing more than close their eyes and look at their imagination. After extensive testing of this theory, it has been found that the imagination looks an awful lot like the inside of an eyelid. That, or sometimes a mirror image of the Virgin Mary if one rubs their eyes vigorously before hand. Either way, a poor solution to problem solving. Therefore it has been decided that a new invention is in order. Someway of obtaining this information that is so desperately sought.   

This invention must be vaguely portable; it needs to be easily recognizable, and should be organized by desired topic. Having an expert to follow every human around at all times would require far too much space. The subways of the world are crowded enough! Furthermore this would have a negative compounding effect as these experts would require their own experts and those experts needing

"Brain transfusers don’t exist"

those experts needing their separate experts and so on. In contrast there needs to be some way of condensing their knowledge without bringing along human experts at all times. Brain transfusers don’t exist so that’s out plus given the armchair research from recent years, cost would be far too prohibitive. Recognizing that one will willingly pay for knowledge on any topic of their interest so long as that knowledge retails for under Twenty-one ninety-five. (Note to self: perhaps twenty-two is a mental hurdle in the purchase of information. Conduct further research at later time with field mice to confirm.). This means that the invention in question needs to be cost effective.

Were this line of reasoning to be expanded further one could quickly come to the conclusion that there must be a durable means of housing this device that will still fall within price cap margins. After all one needs this information to be available at a later date if needed This rules out both slate tablets as well as scrolls, the former being far too costly and bulky while the latter is too susceptible to external elements. There must be a way to combine the effectiveness of scrolls while gaining some level of the endurance offered by the slate. Perhaps some sort of hide is in order…

October 7
th 1996

After attempts were made at etching information on goats it has been discovered that perhaps this hide must be separated from the animal before it is used. (Note to self: Bleeding persists after mauling, invention to deliver vital information must be researched at a faster pace to prevent death.). Additionally, mans arm span appears to be to short in total length to read large sections of information. Perhaps dividing this text amongst several smaller sheets is the most suitable answer. The animal hide on the front and back, to act as a protective barrier to the elements, could then cover these sheets.

October 8
th 1996

Progress on future sheet leather thingy has been temporarily set aside as the bleeding from the goat hide trial persists. I’m not sure how much longer I am going to be able to hold out. It is my hope that if I die in this quest there will be another spry mind that may use the great advances made in this project so that others may be sparred. If you find this please tell others.

While reading this, scientists at UCLA concluded that the object attempting to be produced by the author was in fact a book. Tragically the object in question has existed quite popularly since the times of ancient Rome, a fact overlooked by the author. Other papers were found on the scene along with the book invention. Among the more puzzling of these, a diagram and detailed note pertaining to inventing rocket arms. Sadly this invention is believed to already exist as well. He drew a simple sketch of an airplane.

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