Matt Hatter's: #2

Matt Hatter's: Home for the Troubled
Name: Jason Withersteen (Maybe)
Possible Aliases: Alexander Wilhelm, John McCarran, Julius Caesar, Julius Irving,
Orange Julius, Fred Anthony, Antonio Fredrickson, Oscar Wood, Woody Woodpecker, and Juliet Sanchez.
Age: Estimated 24
Status: Declining

Testimony:
Oh, well hello there. My name is Jason; I've been here for four years though to be honest I have a hard time remembering so it could have been more like six months. Actually, I don't even really know if that is true because I pathologically lie to myself in my head. That is to say that I have dishonest thoughts. Maybe. I only say maybe because it is entirely possible that I have been lying to myself about lying to myself, which I guess would mean that I am thinking the truth, though it sure is a deceptive way to go about it. These circular thoughts can be so confusing sometimes.

I remember once for three days trying to figure out if the pants I was wearing were clean. I convinced myself that they were, then that they were not, then that I had lied about them being clean, then that I had lied about ever thinking about it in the first place. You don't even want to know where that worm hole leads. Best left that after three days the pants were dirty anyway so it sort of became a moot point. I don't really know if the point is moot or if I am just telling myself that so I will quit thinking about it. Maybe I haven't even thought about it all. Wild stuff right?

Oh well, what am I telling you all this for? There isn't anything you can do about it. My only hope is that this doesn't get posted on one of those pathetic sites that have made up stories. The morons that run those things are such losers. What do like three people visit a month? Idiots. Anyhow I hope that I can get help soon. Either that or I am lying now and I don't want any help. Who's to say? I gotta go try to think about it, I think.

NOTE--Matt Hatter's Place: Home for the Troubled is an on-sight therapy institution specializing in unique psychological quirks. if you or someone you love suffers from some form of psychosomatic condition, please seek proper, professional help.

Matt Hatter's: #1

Matt Hatter's: Home for the Troubled
Name: Brian Torce
Age: 34
Status: progressing

Testimony:
I sometimes forget what I look like. It really isn't a big problem until I go to the public restroom. I feel like I'm always barging in on strangers. "Sorry, sir, I didn't see you standing at the sink." It's embarrassing--for both of us.

I had the hardest time one Halloween. I put on my mask and headed for the party. Three keg cups later, I headed for the bathroom. I strolled in and BAM! Staring me in the eyes was non other than Jason the horror flick guy. Nearly peed myself! I knocked the Glade Plug-in from the wall as I struggled for the door. The mask came off--Holy Crap! I saw his face! The image haunts me to this day. I can't look in a mirror without seeing those evil eyes...

NOTE--Matt Hatter's Place: Home for the Troubled is an on-sight therapy institution specializing in unique psychological quirks. if you or someone you love suffers from some form of psychosomatic condition, please seek proper, professional help.

The Psychiatrist

Smoking Brain
A man goes to his psychiatrist for some advice.

“Doctor Jerry,” he says, “there’s something wrong in my marriage.”
“What’s that?” the therapist asks.
“It’s the sex—my wife insists on turning off the lights.”
“And this bothers you?”
“No, it doesn’t bother me. I just makes it hard to see her though the window.”
“The window?”
“Yes.”
“I see,” the therapist pauses. “How do you feel about your wife having sex with another man?”
The man answers: “I don’t know—Jerry is a pretty nice guy…”
Frustrated, the therapist shouts: “Sir! Your wife is cheating on you—wait, my name is Jerry…”
“Oops, I’m sorry, did I say my wife?”